"That" Woman

 I NEVER wanted to be this woman.
The woman who can't get pregnant. It was never my plan to have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I can remember the day I vowed I would never be "that" woman who couldn't get pregnant. I wasn't going to have to try to start a family. It was just going to happen when my Husband and I wanted it too. We were never going to have to try so hard like all those couples I knew...NEVER.

       God had a different plan though. He wants me to be "that" woman. I was angry for a long time; at God, my body, and myself. To be honest...there are still days I'm angry and hurt.  I thought I had done something to earn this horrible punishment.  Why can't I do the one thing my body was made for?!? 

 

 

       I've come to realize that PCOS is not a punishment. It is a trial. A very long, painful, agonizing, and sad trial.  A trial God knows I can overcome or He wouldn't have given it to me. I know this because:

 

-Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

 

- Isaiah 40:31 But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

 

- 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

 

 

       I will be honest and tell you, most days I don't think I am strong enough to keep fighting this battle. The days when my heart is so broken and I don't want to even attempt to pick up the pieces and put it back together for the hundredth time, these are the days I just want to give up and let the enemy win. When I am just about to give up God always shows me a tiny bit of strength I have left. I cling to that strength and take one step at a time. I WILL BE A MOTHER.